Another Day Goes By

Crayons n' Paints n' Such

I am pleased and honored to be the newest member of the Cape Cod Children's Writers. Please check out our web site at:
www.capecodchildrenswriters.com

Soon my bio will appear there and one of the best things about being a member of this group is they have a blogging section and the members blog on the site regularly. I haven't even attended my first meeting yet, but my first blog may be being written as we speak. Sometimes, when the topic applies, I will post it in both places. It just so happens that one of the other members, Jeanne, posted a blog last night on the site that struck a nerve about something I've always felt very strongly about. Please check it out. Her blog, (Jeanne is an author/illustrator) was about picture books for adults, sparked by a question asked by a child. I think you will find it an interesting topic, and one you may have not thought about before.

As I read her words, images from things I used to contemplate when I was a kindergarten teacher, came to mind. In my 23 years of teaching five year olds, I spent a lot of time in other classrooms in the primary school. The one thing that used to bother me the most was the absence of easels, paint, clay, etc. in first grade classrooms. These children were only six years old and to see them reduced to academia at such an early age made me sad. Their teachers were wonderful. They were some of the brightest and most creative individuals I know, but they also were being crucified by the standards and regulations imposed on our NY schools today. In kindergarten I got "special dispensation" because kindergarten isn't even required in NYS and you would expect paint, clay, and sand, to be present in a kindergarten classroom. First grade, however, is a different story. The stringent requirements for reading and math, and now science and social studies that must be covered before the end of the first grade year leave precious little time for a six year old to be six during the school day. That always broke my heart.

As a writer, I spend a lot of time talking to and listening to people and I have come to think that this is also true for most adults. The people I meet have the most interesting stories and amazing talents. When I say to them, "That is an amazing story - you should write that down." I hear more often than not, "Oh I'm not a writer." or "I'm not creative enough to write."

How sad that makes me feel. Over my 58 years of living I have come to believe that every man, woman, and child is an artist. Everyone has a story. Everyone has something from their creative side to make with their hands, or create with a brush or write with their words or sing with their voice or act on a stage. One thing I learned on my journey these past three years in the arts is that being a writer doesn't mean you published a book. Being an artist doesn't mean you have work displayed in an art show. Being a musician doesn't mean you made a hit record.

Being an artist is something that lives inside of everyone. It's a side of us that most people don't think about, or if they do, they put themselves down with the "I can't possibly show anyone that" or "tell anyone that" or even be able to write it or create it for their own eyes only.

It's interesting that Dr.Phil runs a side bar asking people to write to him under the title of "Dr. Phil, Make Me A Star In My Own Life." That right there leads me to believe there's a real need out there for people to be given permission to explore and bring out their creative sides and tell their stories. To be honest, I have to give a bit of credit to Facebook and social media, because these tools have also given people a stage to be on and in some ways many people have begun to see that they can share writing, art, and photos and just maybe they should take that part of themselves a little bit more seriously.

My artist dates with myself have gone a long way to leading me back to that six year old that so enjoyed the sandbox and the messiness of the paint. So, if you have a story, or even the inkling of even thinking you might have a story, or you took a picture with your iPhone and you think it's kind of cool - give it chance - put the pen to the paper or click a few more pics outside of the kids and the family gathering. You just might be surprised when the six year old pops out - and the freedom you find in it. Even if you never show anyone or tell anyone - YOU are already a star in your own life and you really don't need Dr. Phil to tell you so.

And so, as another day goes by, ahh...I've wanted to say that to people for such a long time, thanks to my artist/writer friend Jeanne for the inspiration, check out our site, and....I have written.

No Expectations

Today I spent a lovely afternoon in South Dennis attending a presentation by Nicola Burnell, publisher of Cape Women Online magazine, about the four classes she will be offering this summer. The classes deal with exploring your creativity, being the author of your own future, writing stories that define who we are, and finishing a fiction or memoir manuscript you're struggling with.

The first two hours centered on Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way". After listening to the description of the intense 12 week course, you certainly should find your creativity when you're done with it. I was surprised to feel that after the discussion of morning pages and artist dates, this course really wasn't what I needed. Thinking about my 435 morning pages and weekly artist dates, I felt I had accomplished more than what will be taught here. (I read the book last spring and began my own journey of finding my own way as an artist.)

The next session introducing the other three courses began by Nicola having us briefly write about "who we are now". Some in the group had a hard time putting pencil to paper, but I scribbled off two pages easily and sat quietly waiting for others to share. Through their sharing I recognized the pain, fear and loss in these people's eyes. It brought back memories of myself last May. I was a crippled and broken individual back then and had I attended a presentation such as this, I would've signed up for all four classes right on the spot. (This shows what a great teacher Nicola is, and how wonderfully helpful these classes can be when one is stuck in limbo.)

I went there this afternoon expecting to find out, once again, just how far behind I was and how much I still don't know, compared to everyone else. I pictured myself swimming in the rapids minus one "swimmy", when in all actuality I was in a canoe with sturdy paddles. I remember three years ago I was building a room to write in, then spent another year unable to write even a single word. I remember not knowing where or how to start. I remember feeling lost. Somehow, I went there today still thinking of myself in that very same way.

In my writing exercise I suddenly realized I have now written three children's picture storybooks with one ready to be submitted for publication, have one young adult novel in the works, write this blog daily, belong to a children's writing group, a blog group, and sit on the board of directors for the Cape Cod Writing Center. I was shocked to find out I clearly knew who I was, who I am now, and where I'm going.

At the end of the session Nicola passed out sheets on which we were to indicate our preferences for the classes we'd like to take. I was amazed that I actually felt none of these applied to me right now. I'd moved on. I finally took a step forward. I folded my sheet, hugged her, told her I have a lot to think about and how much I liked her magazine, then headed for my car.

They say a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. The next 999 miles now seem doable. I will approach my second step with no expectations and see where it takes me, just as I do when I enter the hot room each day. I drove home happy and with a confidence I hadn't ever felt before in this artist's quest.

And so, as another day goes by, once again I lean on the lessons learned in the hot room, find that hope and courage reside in having no expectations, and...I have written.

It's Not Drama! Who Knew?

Yesterday was one of those days where bad news of death, misfortune, and broken relationships hit me from all sides, along with those "I'm not talking to you!" "Fine!" conversations. A day that would be normally deemed high drama. And now, just flashing at the top of my screen, Donna Summer just died. (RIP Donna) Drama at every turn this week.

Today in the pre-class yoga mat chat, my friend came in and announced she can't put 50 Shades of Gray down since I got her reading it. I said how I hated when people don't read the book and give their opinion on it based on what they heard in the media. I was reiterating how WBZ Boston news touted it as "Is this what women REALLY want?", totally missing the point of the author's story. Then my friend said, "What? It's a book about healing!"

Wow. That was it. That was what I've been trying to say all along. Her simple comment suddenly brought clarity to a multitude of muddled thoughts. It's not an erotic sex manual. It's not a commentary about women's secret sexual needs and wants. It's the story of a horribly abused child trapped in a grown man's body, that meets probably the only woman in the world that understands that and sticks by him to encourage that inner child to grow up, allowing the boy to meet the man, merge, and heal into a wholesome person. Does that sound like a sex manual? Honestly.

But it does sound like a lot of drama. Just like all the things happening in our own lives. Thanks to my friend's insightful statement about the book, I now realize all the drama in my life is really healing. The "dramas" that last a long, long time are really just healing processes in disguise. In yoga today the teacher was talking about calming down and taking the hot room slow and gentle. She said, "If you're one of those that just always wants to hurry up, finish the race, get your medal and go home so you can feel good now, you need to slow down and surrender to the process. 90 minutes is 90 minutes and your not going anywhere."

I suddenly realized, "Holy crap! That's me!" I'm always in a hurry to get it done and feel the good feelings the endorphins of accomplishment bring upon me. Unfortunately, healing doesn't work that way. Healing is more like "90 minutes is 90 minutes and your not going anywhere". At first I couldn't believe it was taking months. Then when it stretched to a year, I was dumbfounded. THEN it stretched to the SECOND year. I just looked at God and said, "You gotta be kidding me right? You're asking me to do this for ANOTHER year?" I feel like Katniss Everdeen in Hunger Games. BACK into the arena? AGAIN? (So now when the days get tough, I just look up at God and say, "I am Katniss Everdeen."

Funny, though. At first I said, "I am Katniss Everdeen" with a resigned "oh crap, if you say so, Lord". These days I'm saying it with power and strength - the same kind of courage, power, and strength Katniss did it with.

Life "in the arena" is surreal and somewhat removed from the rest of the world, and filled with high drama. But that is the story of healing. When you are called to spend your time in the arena, hang on. You're in for an incredible ride. There will be fear, tears, and tremendous pain and just as Katniss in the arena, and me in the hot room, you have to surrender to the ride. Let God drive. Go where He leads. Make NO decision without prayer first because your mind is in no shape to be trusted. In the end, when the drama is over, the healing process complete, you will come out of the arena a totally different, transformed person.

Books, people we see everyday, close friends both near and far, music, yoga, TV shows, movies, etc. are all the tools God provides while we're in the arena. He even surprises us with little packages floating down on tiny silver parachutes holding just what we need, when we need it. It may be the hug or kind word of a friend. It may be an unexpected song in a tv show. Don't worry. Just as Katniss had a sponsor to look out for her, we have the ultimate sponsor to look out for us when it's our time to enter the arena.

And so, as another day goes by, if you haven't read Hunger Games, or 50 Shades yet, I suggest you get to it - these books are SO much more than they appear to be - healing disguised as drama - incredible strength and courage exemplified in both characters, kudos to the authors - this is what art is meant to be, and ....I have written.

Time To Share the Positives

Today is Mother's Day. If I remember correctly, my mother never let me wallow in self-pity. It was always "pull up your boot straps, stop sniveling, and get on with it!". Last year, on this day, I was beginning my first steps of recovery from my unexpected loss of her, so I dedicate this post to her.

Today I'm sitting on my beach, sipping wine, reading Jillian Michaels book "Unlimited". Unlimited. That's how I feel about my life now, one year later. Last year on this day I could barely walk to the beach, much less read a motivating book here. I think I spent the whole day crying in between doing yard work. What a difference a year of yoga, bible study, writing, and making wonderful new friends has made.

All during this amazing year of self-renewal and recovery, something was nagging at the back of my mind. There was a need for something more. This was a great life, but, let's face it, I'm only 58 and it certainly is a long way from over for me. The writing is settling into place and I know I will always be a writer simply because, as you know if you follow this blog, I ALWAYS have something to say. But writing is my art form. Not a job. I feel the need for a job, now, one that makes a little money, but more than that, one that motivates me to try something new and help others along the way. As I mentioned yesterday, a new prospect has emerged on my horizon. I'm a bit nervous, a little scared, but A LOT curious of just what I'm capable of. Many of you, when you retire from your present career, will understand this right away. You spent your entire life in one segment of the work world. When you leave you suddenly get a little disoriented, but then you look around and start to wonder "What else am I capable of doing? Is there some other thing I'd actually be good at, but didn't know it all these years being locked in your present job and raising your family?"

Interesting questions, and ones that I've been pondering in the here and now ending of my "recovery period". I'm ready to enter the real world again. I get a feeling it's going to be a hell of a ride and I should hang on! That's okay. I'm definitely ready, especially when I think back to last Mother's Day - if you mentioned the word "job" to me I'd practically would've curled up into a ball and cried.

So Mom - here I am. Pulling up my boot straps just like I saw you do so many times over the years raising us four kids. You never curled up into a ball. In fact, you even reached out and helped other family members who couldn't seem to get it together. Yes, Mom, you were an inspiration and you left me too soon for me to be able to tell you. Rest in peace. Watch over me, sis, and the bros. Don't worry - we're taking good care of dad. Love you, Mom.

And so, as another day goes by, we are taught valuable life truths by our parents' example, and ....I have written.
Need a kickstart? Need a new direction? Need positive motivation? Try this:

Christian Grey - Today's the Day

Christian Grey, in 50 Shades of Grey, is such an enigma, I don't know where to begin. I should start with the author, EL James, that created this character. I am in awe at the portrayal of Grey through the eyes of Anastasia Steele. In the first book, you become Ana and feel the fight or flight....or love reaction. But the author always keeps little pieces, here and there, sprinkled along the story line, that lets you know Grey is an okay guy....despite. I can't go into the despite part in case you haven't read the book, but I will expound some more about Christian Grey.

I was reading "50 Shades of Grey" while I was reading TD Jakes' book "Let It Go". I came upon a story he told in there. It was about a child, who for some reason didn't live with her family. They would come and see her, spend time with her, then she would stand at the gate and watch them drive away. She would wish and wish they'd turn around and come and take her home with them. But they never did. This left her waiting at at the gate her whole life. She grew physically, but emotionally stayed a child.

"She was successful, smart, charming, strong, and compassionate. She lights up a room and people like her. Her life is one that you or I might envy, unless we knew her heart is still at the gate. To this day she finds it difficult to invest in relationships because she feels that if she brings her full self to the other person, she risks being abandoned. So instead she doesn't make the proper investment to have a strong relationship with anyone. She allows herself to go only so far, metaphorically to the gate, before she detaches and withholds her ability to commit.
I've watched her date handsome men who were strong and gentle. They are attracted to her vivacious personality and attractive figure, but once they begin to date her, they find the container is opulent, the box is empty. The contents of human character, love, and human connectivity don't seem to exist in her.
Because I know her story and the fragility of her heart, I know differently. I see the small child trapped inside the body of a beautiful woman who finds herself perpetually at the gate again, watching the car leave. Her fear of abandonment has become her master and she it's slave, shackled by her unwillingness to connect with the strength of attachment necessary to build a healthy, trusting relationship. I cannot tell you how many disappointed wounded men have been trampled over in the process of trying to find someone to love them without ever knowing that they are seeing someone who is seeing them forever from the gate."

Jakes calls this type of person an "insulator". "The insulator wraps herself up in such a disguise that no one can access her heart and hurt them again. Insulators hide within layers of emotional armor in an attempt to prevent anyone from seeing who they really are. They go to work wrapped in insulation; they get married wrapped in insulation; they interact with people through thick pads of insulation. It is not the individual with whom they find themselves conversing that they are committed to warding away, but it is the fear that what has happened in the past will inevitably happen again that causes them to smother all possibility for human intimacy.
However, if we take time to peel away the layers of foam around the insulators, we find the layers are shielding the person out of fear. They cannot commit to other people because they remain committed to protecting the child within who has grown physically, but remains dwarfed emotionally. No one knows that these persons live their lives as little boys and girls with thumbs in their mouths, tears in their eyes, living, loving, dancing, and doing business from the gate of a traumatic experience that they say nothing about."

I present to you Christian Grey. What a love story between him and Anastasia, who figures out and fully understands the love of her life is stuck, forever at the gate. Across three books, can she unwrap the insulation? It's slow. Each step microscopic. One micro step forward, three backward. Can Ana hang in? Get 50 Shades of Grey by EL James and find out.

And so, as another day goes by, I close the cover of yet another amazing trilogy, and....I have written.

This Business of Mindfulness

Being mindful. Practicing "mindfulness". These are the the phrases that have have been hitting me from all sides this past week. From celebrities on the talk shows, to books on the morning news, mindfulness has been the topic of late. Then yesterday, and again today, two different blogs that I follow were about being mindful. Being mindful? Yes, say the blogs, attend to what you are doing at the moment. Uh, isn't being mindful just paying attention to what you're doing? As I recall, parents and teachers have been telling me to keep my mind on what I was doing since I was seven years old. Now, it's a thing. There are books about it, classes to take on it and you "practice" it.

I admit, for two weeks I've really been stumped by this concept. What is all the big to do about keeping your mind on what you're doing at the moment? Out of all I've seen, heard, and read, this is all I've gotten out of this topic. Then finally, today, I read a blog about mindfulness that I actually understood. There is a point. It's a good one.

Leigha Hall talked about a mindful moment that I, myself, experience every morning-brushing her teeth. She explained how while brushing her teeth, her mind always wanders far and wide. Since she's been practicing mindfulness however, she really tries to keep her mind on the up-and-down motion of the brush and the feel of it on her teeth. I empathize. Every morning while brushing my teeth, I stand in front of a window. As I brush my teeth and look out into the tree tops behind my house, my mind wanders far and wide, too. To me, this is very relaxing. I like looking out at the trees outside the window, my mind wandering through things that I may do during the day today. The up-and-down, back-and-forth, moving of the brush is very soothing, while I'm gathering inspiration and energy for my up-coming day. When I am done, my thoughts are all in order and I'm ready to bound out the door and take on the first thing on my list. This business of being mindful, and keeping my mind just on my toothbrush and what it's doing to my teeth, instead of organizing my day, appeared very confusing to me.

Then, Leigha, in her blog, My Bikram Yoga Life*, said:

"I found I'm learning to recognize life for what it really is - the moment we are experiencing right now. Which means life is about a lot of simple, drama-free things like washing my hands, walking the dog, making dinner and checking to see how my peppers and tomatoes are growing. I am happier when my brain is not making up stories about what is going to happen next week."

The line "life is about a lot of simple, drama-free, things" caught my attention. It made me feel instantly calmer. Then, "My brain is not making up stories about what is going to happen next week." Hmmm... keeping my mind on what I am doing right now, lessens worry and anxiety about what is going to happen in the future. I like this mindfulness concept. I think I'm going to make a concentrated effort to "practice" this thing for the next few days, and monitor my worry/anxiety level.

And so, as another day goes by, I'm rising up from the chair...my feet hit the cool hardwood floor...I take three steps toward the kitchen...oh..uh..what was I going there for? Uh oh, maybe for me the correct term is "mindlessness"...and...I have written.
*Leigha's blog can be found at:
http://mybikramyogalife.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/all-youve-got-is-now/

Let It Go

I'm reading such a great book that I have to give my review of it before I'm even finished. It's called "Let It Go" by T.D. Jakes. Many have written to me about my posts indicating they are facing some of the same struggles, so I just have to share this book with you.

Jakes' writing style is clear and right to the point. He doesn't philosophize or preach. He just tells it like it is. The most amazing thing I'm seeing is that most everything we go through is basic human nature. The way we act and react to people in relationships, marriage, with children, and at the office is normal and very predictable. If you struggle anywhere, in any kind of relationship, or even if you don't, READ THIS BOOK because someday, somewhere, somehow you will find yourself in one of these places and will NEED all the info provided in this book. Below I have included the table of contents so you can get the gist of it.

I wish, I wish, a million times over, I wish I read this book a year ago. Much of my struggle last year would've been alleviated and serious relationship mistakes would've been sidestepped. I always believe that you can never have too much information. Someday you'll need it and if only I had the wisdom of how the human mind works as written in this book, I would've dodged many bullets simply because I would've understood the cause and effect of things that happen between people. The fifteen months I spent navigating the landscape of the human mind in total darkness, feeling my way blindly, wasting energy, risking my health, battling major depression, could've been wiped away in one fell swoop had I just had the information in this book.

It amazes me how, we, as such complex beings, where no two of us are supposed to be alike, are so predictable in our behaviors. No matter what age you are, go no further in navigating the relationship land mine without reading this book. A precious relationship can blow up in your face in seconds, and then require years to rebuild. This book gives you the "hows and whys" of how this happens. And, as I can't reiterate enough, it's better to see the map before you start out on the trip.

And so, as another day goes by, my great service I can do for you today, my friends, is to urge you to download this book ASAP so you can proceed through life well-armed, and....I have written.

He Still Moves Stones

My Lucado words of wisdom this morning were:

"The God of surprises strikes again. It's as if he said, "They can't wait any longer. They came this far to see me; I'm going to drop in on them."
God does that for the faithful. Just when the womb gets too old for babies, Sari gets pregnant. Just when failure is too great for grace, David gets pardoned. And just when the road is too dark for Mary and Mary, the angel glows and the savior shows and the two women will never be the same again.

The lesson? Three words. Don't give up.
Is the trail dark? Don't sit.
Is the road long? Don't stop.
Is the night black? Don't quit.
God is watching. For all you know he might be telling the angel to move the stone.
The check may be in the mail.
The apology may be in the making.
The job contract maybe on the desk.
Don't quit. For if you do, you may miss the answer to your prayers.
God still sends angels and God still moves stones." ~ Max Lucado

Not only does this passage fit with the other messages from the universe that I've received this week, but how fitting for this Easter weekend - and this was not a dated reading - it was simply a paragraph in a story. I am constantly amazed when God sends me, in pieces, a current theme for my life. I remember the theme last fall - the "gauntlets" he threw in front of me to practice concepts I learned earlier in the year. Each day, walking with God, is like an egg hunt. The "eggs" are surprises, sprinkled throughout my day, providing pieces of the theme, opening up my understanding a little more each day.

I would guess this month I'll be learning more and more about not giving up - from a place of love, rather than fear.

And so, as the Easter weekend begins to creep by, I'm glad he STILL moves stones, and....I have written.
Thank you, Stacey.....I loved this pic.

Jason Mraz, Bikram, & Mockingjay

Well, that just about covers it all, doesn't it? After writing that title I had to laugh at the amazing numbers of categories I had to check for this blog. The combination is a bit weird, but who am I to question when the universe moves and speaks?

Sometimes I'm sent a variety of things in a short amount of time that have no more in common than a chicken and a rock. The things usually don't come together to form the big picture until the last piece has arrived.

Jason Mraz has just put out a new song. (below) I loved it and bought it before I was even done hearing it for the first time.
If you ever have any kind of relationship strife (not just male/female either), you'll want this one in your playlist. You know how with most songs that echo your sentiments you have to throw out some parts because the lyrics don't apply? Not so with this one. Every word counts. Every word hits home, for everybody stuck in a certain place in a relationship. Check it out.

Bikram - Today in class we had a guest teacher. The camel was extra long. I was reminded that I learned how not to give up in camel. After I did my first one-minute camel last year, I vowed never to come out of a camel early ever again. Camel taught me just how tough I am. Just how much reserve I have. Just how much resolve I have. Just how much stamina I possess.

Mockingjay - the third book in the Hunger Games trilogy. When you read it you'll know all about not giving up in a terribly hopeless situation.

The obvious theme here cannot be missed. When certain areas of my life let doubt and despair show through, I must remember what this strange combination has taught me about myself.

And so, as another day goes by, "I won't give up on us, even if the sky gets rough, God knows I'm tough enough, we've got a lot to learn and God knows we're worth it"......and...I have written.

Mockingjay Night

Tonight I went to yoga, had a fantastic class, but on the way home decided I must finish this series. So here I sit, after a shower and dinner, while American Idol cranks away in the background (I'm only interested in Jessica Sanchez, because I think she's the winner), and I'm making my way to the end of this story.

Without giving up any of the details out of consideration for those of you still catching up, I stand amazed at how the conditions in the story changed a character's mind. The helplessness of trying to untangle cobwebs and reach someone who is closed off and mentally in another world is so frustrating. The author does a great job of drawing the reader into the situation. The story is picking up pace and I'm anxious to get back to it, so....

As another day goes by, I better stop before I say too much, and... I have written.