Another Day Goes By

Cape Cod Bear

Ok, this has been a big weekend for Cape Cod. Sunday night, sitting around the campfire, a Facebook friend who lives down the road a piece in Barnstable, posts there's a bear roaming Cape Cod. What? How would a bear get on Cape Cod? We're an island, for God's sake.

As the evening went on, police helicopters roared overhead on their way to Barnstable to check out this bear phenomenon. My friend went out of her way to silence the nay-sayers and posted the police reports. I went to bed wondering how in the world a bear got across that bridge. There are only 3 ways to get here - cross one of two bridges or swim the canal.

The next day my good friend at yoga and her boys go driving around their Barnstable neighborhood looking for the bear. They strike out after driving around for quite awhile. On the way home they see the bear on the side of the road. This is no hoax. He's here. Here looking for food in everyone's backyard. My friend's 13 year old son, Liam Crivillaro, videos the bear climbing a tree on the side of the road. The video went Cape Cod viral. Boston and Fox news were immediately in their driveway wanting to use the video on the news, and the Cape Cod times featured Liam in two articles in today's paper. The news stations have been featuring Liam and his video on TV for two days.

The Cape Cod Bear is causing quite a frenzy. The environmental people say he swam across the canal. The best place to find out about the Cape Cod Bear? Twitter! The noon news at WBZ channel 4 Boston announced the Cape Cod Bear has his own twitter account.

Check him and his travels out on twitter:

https://twitter.com/#!/Ccodbear

So much fun having a bear on Cape Cod!

And so, as another day goes by, the Cape Cod Bear rules, and...for the second time today...I have written.
She saw "The Bear".

Crayons n' Paints n' Such

I am pleased and honored to be the newest member of the Cape Cod Children's Writers. Please check out our web site at:
www.capecodchildrenswriters.com

Soon my bio will appear there and one of the best things about being a member of this group is they have a blogging section and the members blog on the site regularly. I haven't even attended my first meeting yet, but my first blog may be being written as we speak. Sometimes, when the topic applies, I will post it in both places. It just so happens that one of the other members, Jeanne, posted a blog last night on the site that struck a nerve about something I've always felt very strongly about. Please check it out. Her blog, (Jeanne is an author/illustrator) was about picture books for adults, sparked by a question asked by a child. I think you will find it an interesting topic, and one you may have not thought about before.

As I read her words, images from things I used to contemplate when I was a kindergarten teacher, came to mind. In my 23 years of teaching five year olds, I spent a lot of time in other classrooms in the primary school. The one thing that used to bother me the most was the absence of easels, paint, clay, etc. in first grade classrooms. These children were only six years old and to see them reduced to academia at such an early age made me sad. Their teachers were wonderful. They were some of the brightest and most creative individuals I know, but they also were being crucified by the standards and regulations imposed on our NY schools today. In kindergarten I got "special dispensation" because kindergarten isn't even required in NYS and you would expect paint, clay, and sand, to be present in a kindergarten classroom. First grade, however, is a different story. The stringent requirements for reading and math, and now science and social studies that must be covered before the end of the first grade year leave precious little time for a six year old to be six during the school day. That always broke my heart.

As a writer, I spend a lot of time talking to and listening to people and I have come to think that this is also true for most adults. The people I meet have the most interesting stories and amazing talents. When I say to them, "That is an amazing story - you should write that down." I hear more often than not, "Oh I'm not a writer." or "I'm not creative enough to write."

How sad that makes me feel. Over my 58 years of living I have come to believe that every man, woman, and child is an artist. Everyone has a story. Everyone has something from their creative side to make with their hands, or create with a brush or write with their words or sing with their voice or act on a stage. One thing I learned on my journey these past three years in the arts is that being a writer doesn't mean you published a book. Being an artist doesn't mean you have work displayed in an art show. Being a musician doesn't mean you made a hit record.

Being an artist is something that lives inside of everyone. It's a side of us that most people don't think about, or if they do, they put themselves down with the "I can't possibly show anyone that" or "tell anyone that" or even be able to write it or create it for their own eyes only.

It's interesting that Dr.Phil runs a side bar asking people to write to him under the title of "Dr. Phil, Make Me A Star In My Own Life." That right there leads me to believe there's a real need out there for people to be given permission to explore and bring out their creative sides and tell their stories. To be honest, I have to give a bit of credit to Facebook and social media, because these tools have also given people a stage to be on and in some ways many people have begun to see that they can share writing, art, and photos and just maybe they should take that part of themselves a little bit more seriously.

My artist dates with myself have gone a long way to leading me back to that six year old that so enjoyed the sandbox and the messiness of the paint. So, if you have a story, or even the inkling of even thinking you might have a story, or you took a picture with your iPhone and you think it's kind of cool - give it chance - put the pen to the paper or click a few more pics outside of the kids and the family gathering. You just might be surprised when the six year old pops out - and the freedom you find in it. Even if you never show anyone or tell anyone - YOU are already a star in your own life and you really don't need Dr. Phil to tell you so.

And so, as another day goes by, ahh...I've wanted to say that to people for such a long time, thanks to my artist/writer friend Jeanne for the inspiration, check out our site, and....I have written.

It's Not Drama! Who Knew?

Yesterday was one of those days where bad news of death, misfortune, and broken relationships hit me from all sides, along with those "I'm not talking to you!" "Fine!" conversations. A day that would be normally deemed high drama. And now, just flashing at the top of my screen, Donna Summer just died. (RIP Donna) Drama at every turn this week.

Today in the pre-class yoga mat chat, my friend came in and announced she can't put 50 Shades of Gray down since I got her reading it. I said how I hated when people don't read the book and give their opinion on it based on what they heard in the media. I was reiterating how WBZ Boston news touted it as "Is this what women REALLY want?", totally missing the point of the author's story. Then my friend said, "What? It's a book about healing!"

Wow. That was it. That was what I've been trying to say all along. Her simple comment suddenly brought clarity to a multitude of muddled thoughts. It's not an erotic sex manual. It's not a commentary about women's secret sexual needs and wants. It's the story of a horribly abused child trapped in a grown man's body, that meets probably the only woman in the world that understands that and sticks by him to encourage that inner child to grow up, allowing the boy to meet the man, merge, and heal into a wholesome person. Does that sound like a sex manual? Honestly.

But it does sound like a lot of drama. Just like all the things happening in our own lives. Thanks to my friend's insightful statement about the book, I now realize all the drama in my life is really healing. The "dramas" that last a long, long time are really just healing processes in disguise. In yoga today the teacher was talking about calming down and taking the hot room slow and gentle. She said, "If you're one of those that just always wants to hurry up, finish the race, get your medal and go home so you can feel good now, you need to slow down and surrender to the process. 90 minutes is 90 minutes and your not going anywhere."

I suddenly realized, "Holy crap! That's me!" I'm always in a hurry to get it done and feel the good feelings the endorphins of accomplishment bring upon me. Unfortunately, healing doesn't work that way. Healing is more like "90 minutes is 90 minutes and your not going anywhere". At first I couldn't believe it was taking months. Then when it stretched to a year, I was dumbfounded. THEN it stretched to the SECOND year. I just looked at God and said, "You gotta be kidding me right? You're asking me to do this for ANOTHER year?" I feel like Katniss Everdeen in Hunger Games. BACK into the arena? AGAIN? (So now when the days get tough, I just look up at God and say, "I am Katniss Everdeen."

Funny, though. At first I said, "I am Katniss Everdeen" with a resigned "oh crap, if you say so, Lord". These days I'm saying it with power and strength - the same kind of courage, power, and strength Katniss did it with.

Life "in the arena" is surreal and somewhat removed from the rest of the world, and filled with high drama. But that is the story of healing. When you are called to spend your time in the arena, hang on. You're in for an incredible ride. There will be fear, tears, and tremendous pain and just as Katniss in the arena, and me in the hot room, you have to surrender to the ride. Let God drive. Go where He leads. Make NO decision without prayer first because your mind is in no shape to be trusted. In the end, when the drama is over, the healing process complete, you will come out of the arena a totally different, transformed person.

Books, people we see everyday, close friends both near and far, music, yoga, TV shows, movies, etc. are all the tools God provides while we're in the arena. He even surprises us with little packages floating down on tiny silver parachutes holding just what we need, when we need it. It may be the hug or kind word of a friend. It may be an unexpected song in a tv show. Don't worry. Just as Katniss had a sponsor to look out for her, we have the ultimate sponsor to look out for us when it's our time to enter the arena.

And so, as another day goes by, if you haven't read Hunger Games, or 50 Shades yet, I suggest you get to it - these books are SO much more than they appear to be - healing disguised as drama - incredible strength and courage exemplified in both characters, kudos to the authors - this is what art is meant to be, and ....I have written.

Comcast

Comcast. That's all I can say, because I don't believe this. Over the weekend my husband and I decided to join the 21st century and update the TV's in both our NY apartment and cape house. Both houses still had huge, heavy, tube TV's that our kids just laugh at. Off we went to Best Buy where we got a deal for two nice flat-screens for the price of one. We were in NY, so the cape TV went in my trunk for me to take back on Monday. We spent the day going to the cable office, where we also got a great deal on HD and wireless Internet. My husband even got the MLB package free. They gave us a nifty wireless router and the Internet in our apartment now runs at lightening speed. Kudos to Time Warner. Notice I said Time Warner. We have Time Warner Cable in NY.

Moving on to New England. On Monday I brought my other new TV home, but didn't have time to hook it up until today. I decided it's been years since I had a cable makeover here and I needed a thing called an HDMI cable, so I headed over to my local Comcast office. Notice I said Comcast. On the way, I decided I'd ask them for one of those nifty wireless routers like Time Warner gave us in NY because I've been running the first Apple Airport ever made out here in this house. (I wasn't kidding about the 21st century). At the office I tell the lady I need a cable makeover and an HDMI cable for my new TV. She redoes my cable package and now I have tons of HD and premium channels. Next I ask her for a wireless router. She said, "We don't have those."

"What?"
"We don't have those."
"I just got one Saturday from Time Warner in NY."
"We don't do that. You use the same one you have and go out and buy your own hub and plug it in to that."

Do you believe this? In this day and age of technology, COMCAST doesn't have wireless routers.

I've come to realize that going to the cable office rates right up there with going to the DMV.

And so, as another day goes by, at least I now have the OWN channel so I can watch Oprah's Life Lessons to learn how to cope with utility offices, and...I have written.

Seeing

This morning a friend posted the most beautiful picture of the super moon on Facebook. It was taken in Greece at the Temple of Poseidon. Though I appreciated the beauty and majesty of the super moon in the photo, it was her comment that got my attention. She said:

"Didn't get to see the super moon myself last night, but this view in Greece at the Temple of Poseidon is rather nice."

How many times does a view of something through someone else's eyes bring us joy, pleasure, and, even clarity? Many times we walk in the dark, confused, bumping into walls, hands out, feeling our way. We can't see what is right in front of us. Then someone else comes along and shares their view and perspective. All of a sudden the darkness clears and you realize you possessed the power to see all along. The eyes of someone else opened the window to your world.

Just as my friend experienced the super moon through someone else's eyes, sometimes, we too, must stop struggling so on our own and let another show us the way.

And so, as another day goes by, the finish line is not given, it is earned, and...I have written.
Thanks, Nina, for sharing and inspiring...

Christian Grey - Today's the Day

Christian Grey, in 50 Shades of Grey, is such an enigma, I don't know where to begin. I should start with the author, EL James, that created this character. I am in awe at the portrayal of Grey through the eyes of Anastasia Steele. In the first book, you become Ana and feel the fight or flight....or love reaction. But the author always keeps little pieces, here and there, sprinkled along the story line, that lets you know Grey is an okay guy....despite. I can't go into the despite part in case you haven't read the book, but I will expound some more about Christian Grey.

I was reading "50 Shades of Grey" while I was reading TD Jakes' book "Let It Go". I came upon a story he told in there. It was about a child, who for some reason didn't live with her family. They would come and see her, spend time with her, then she would stand at the gate and watch them drive away. She would wish and wish they'd turn around and come and take her home with them. But they never did. This left her waiting at at the gate her whole life. She grew physically, but emotionally stayed a child.

"She was successful, smart, charming, strong, and compassionate. She lights up a room and people like her. Her life is one that you or I might envy, unless we knew her heart is still at the gate. To this day she finds it difficult to invest in relationships because she feels that if she brings her full self to the other person, she risks being abandoned. So instead she doesn't make the proper investment to have a strong relationship with anyone. She allows herself to go only so far, metaphorically to the gate, before she detaches and withholds her ability to commit.
I've watched her date handsome men who were strong and gentle. They are attracted to her vivacious personality and attractive figure, but once they begin to date her, they find the container is opulent, the box is empty. The contents of human character, love, and human connectivity don't seem to exist in her.
Because I know her story and the fragility of her heart, I know differently. I see the small child trapped inside the body of a beautiful woman who finds herself perpetually at the gate again, watching the car leave. Her fear of abandonment has become her master and she it's slave, shackled by her unwillingness to connect with the strength of attachment necessary to build a healthy, trusting relationship. I cannot tell you how many disappointed wounded men have been trampled over in the process of trying to find someone to love them without ever knowing that they are seeing someone who is seeing them forever from the gate."

Jakes calls this type of person an "insulator". "The insulator wraps herself up in such a disguise that no one can access her heart and hurt them again. Insulators hide within layers of emotional armor in an attempt to prevent anyone from seeing who they really are. They go to work wrapped in insulation; they get married wrapped in insulation; they interact with people through thick pads of insulation. It is not the individual with whom they find themselves conversing that they are committed to warding away, but it is the fear that what has happened in the past will inevitably happen again that causes them to smother all possibility for human intimacy.
However, if we take time to peel away the layers of foam around the insulators, we find the layers are shielding the person out of fear. They cannot commit to other people because they remain committed to protecting the child within who has grown physically, but remains dwarfed emotionally. No one knows that these persons live their lives as little boys and girls with thumbs in their mouths, tears in their eyes, living, loving, dancing, and doing business from the gate of a traumatic experience that they say nothing about."

I present to you Christian Grey. What a love story between him and Anastasia, who figures out and fully understands the love of her life is stuck, forever at the gate. Across three books, can she unwrap the insulation? It's slow. Each step microscopic. One micro step forward, three backward. Can Ana hang in? Get 50 Shades of Grey by EL James and find out.

And so, as another day goes by, I close the cover of yet another amazing trilogy, and....I have written.

"Practicing" Mindfulness - Day 3

Today I started out strong being mindful and "in the moment". Yoga class was great. I paid attention to every pose, didn't get lost in brain flight, and even checked in to discover new things happening in my body at the end of a second five day week. The room was extra hot when I got there, but I had my breathing in check and the heat wasn't a consequence. I was well-hydrated, so muscle fatigue wasn't a concern either. I truly, truly, appreciated and was aware in every minute of class today.

Going out to my car I noted the feeling of the cool sea breeze and wish I'd worn my vest because it's going to be a cold walk into the grocery store. I thoroughly enjoyed my drive down 6A to my local Stop N Shop. Being mindful on my drive I was enchanted by the sight of two huge swans with five new babies on the pond. This is going well. I'm gaining confidence. In the grocery store parking lot I appreciate the sight of my favorite size shopping cart already for me in my parking space. In the store I take note of all the special kiosks and summer gear beginning to appear. On my way back to my car, pushing my little cart, I take a moment to savor being able to grocery shop along side the canal, smelling the ocean. Driving home I sigh when I stop at the stoplight to realize the quaint beauty of a town I can call mine. Pulling into the driveway of my tiny seaside dwelling, I really, really find joy and gratitude for being so blessed to live here.

I get out of the car, reach into the backseat for my yoga bag and mat and - oh no! No mat. In my being mindful of my surroundings leaving the studio, I left my mat there. And it's Friday. And the studio is closed. My mat is heavy with sweat and cannot stay there until Monday. There's a 4pm class which means at 3:30 I'll be going back to the studio to retrieve my heavy, wet mat.

Just when I thought I was gaining on this mindfulness stuff, once again it contributed to my mindlessness. I think I'll take the weekend off. This mindful business is a lot more work than it's worth. Thank goodness it's Friday, and a Lean Cuisine pizza and bottle of Pino Grigio are in my radar for dinner this evening as I wait for my dear husband to arrive. (And maybe take my mind off of my mind.)

And so, as another day goes by, I wish one of you would try this paying close attention to what you are doing every moment of one day and let me know if it's as hard for you, as it is for me. Bring on the weekend...and ...I have written.
Happy weekend...isn't this the most beautiful pencil drawing you ever saw? :)

"Practicing" Mindfulness - Day 1

This morning I made up my mind to begin my practice of mindfulness. I walked my mind downstairs and promptly attended to my morning pages. Kept my mind dutifully on what I was writing until the three pages were finished. After that I turned on the news. Not such good luck here. Within three minutes of watching the newscast, sipping my tea, my mind was elsewhere. The news went on for a half an hour and I had no idea what had happened overnight.

At my women's Bible study I was thoroughly in tune to the video and engaged in wonderful conversations (a check in the positive column), although on the drive there I had to pull my mind back into the car and check what town I was in three times. .

As you can see, this mindfulness practice is not going well and it's only lunchtime. I had lunch at a little café, while I finished reading 50 Shades of Darker (which we will discuss another day). My mind was thoroughly engaged in the book for the whole 45 minutes. The book was riveting, so lunch gets another check in the positive column. Next on today's agenda (which, yes, I created while brushing my teeth) was errands at the mall. I found myself so totally engrossed in the errands I needed to do, that I didn't notice one store, person, or kiosk that I passed.

This afternoon was yoga. I vowed to make a really serious attempt at mindfulness here. I made up my mind that I was going to concentrate on my body and how it felt in every pose, and not let my mind leave the room. The room was hot, so that lasted for approximately 3 poses. By the time we were on the floor, my mind was racing away, thinking about people far from here. My mind was so totally disengaged on the floor series, that I caught myself setting up for the wrong pose twice. So much for mindfulness in the yoga room. Chalk up yoga to a real case of "mindlessness". The drive home was not much better. My mind was once again not in the car. Today a dear friend fell ill and was in the hospital. I thought of her and prayed for her on the entire ride home. Since this was a prayer, I'm not sure if it counts. (This mindfulness has its confusing moments)

My shower was not a mindful success either. I was aware of neither the water soap or shampoo because my mind was busy composing this blog. Next was dinner, while watching DVR'd shows. You would think eating and keeping my mind on the TV show in front of me would be a sure bet for another check in the positive column. Um..no... I put down my plate, picked up my phone, and I'm writing this blog as the TV show plays on in the background. I don't even know why I bothered to record it.

I seem to remember a year ago when I tried to do a "silent" day. This is working just about as well as that did. No wonder there are mindfulness classes and books, and you actually have to "practice" it.

Stay in the moment, they say. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with my moments - I'm not too keen about staying in them.

And so, as another day goes by, I need to rethink this whole "being present" thing - although, that phrase "life is about a lot of simple, drama-free things" still rings in my brain, enticing me to keep trying...maybe...one more day...and..I have written.

This Business of Mindfulness

Being mindful. Practicing "mindfulness". These are the the phrases that have have been hitting me from all sides this past week. From celebrities on the talk shows, to books on the morning news, mindfulness has been the topic of late. Then yesterday, and again today, two different blogs that I follow were about being mindful. Being mindful? Yes, say the blogs, attend to what you are doing at the moment. Uh, isn't being mindful just paying attention to what you're doing? As I recall, parents and teachers have been telling me to keep my mind on what I was doing since I was seven years old. Now, it's a thing. There are books about it, classes to take on it and you "practice" it.

I admit, for two weeks I've really been stumped by this concept. What is all the big to do about keeping your mind on what you're doing at the moment? Out of all I've seen, heard, and read, this is all I've gotten out of this topic. Then finally, today, I read a blog about mindfulness that I actually understood. There is a point. It's a good one.

Leigha Hall talked about a mindful moment that I, myself, experience every morning-brushing her teeth. She explained how while brushing her teeth, her mind always wanders far and wide. Since she's been practicing mindfulness however, she really tries to keep her mind on the up-and-down motion of the brush and the feel of it on her teeth. I empathize. Every morning while brushing my teeth, I stand in front of a window. As I brush my teeth and look out into the tree tops behind my house, my mind wanders far and wide, too. To me, this is very relaxing. I like looking out at the trees outside the window, my mind wandering through things that I may do during the day today. The up-and-down, back-and-forth, moving of the brush is very soothing, while I'm gathering inspiration and energy for my up-coming day. When I am done, my thoughts are all in order and I'm ready to bound out the door and take on the first thing on my list. This business of being mindful, and keeping my mind just on my toothbrush and what it's doing to my teeth, instead of organizing my day, appeared very confusing to me.

Then, Leigha, in her blog, My Bikram Yoga Life*, said:

"I found I'm learning to recognize life for what it really is - the moment we are experiencing right now. Which means life is about a lot of simple, drama-free things like washing my hands, walking the dog, making dinner and checking to see how my peppers and tomatoes are growing. I am happier when my brain is not making up stories about what is going to happen next week."

The line "life is about a lot of simple, drama-free, things" caught my attention. It made me feel instantly calmer. Then, "My brain is not making up stories about what is going to happen next week." Hmmm... keeping my mind on what I am doing right now, lessens worry and anxiety about what is going to happen in the future. I like this mindfulness concept. I think I'm going to make a concentrated effort to "practice" this thing for the next few days, and monitor my worry/anxiety level.

And so, as another day goes by, I'm rising up from the chair...my feet hit the cool hardwood floor...I take three steps toward the kitchen...oh..uh..what was I going there for? Uh oh, maybe for me the correct term is "mindlessness"...and...I have written.
*Leigha's blog can be found at:
http://mybikramyogalife.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/all-youve-got-is-now/

The Late-Great Rainout

Today we had tickets to the Yankees/Red Sox game in Boston. We were going to meet our daughter for dinner and the game. The weather didn't look promising - a certain rainout. At noon we talked to her and discussed meeting places.

I was ensconced in my recliner engrossed in the second book of The Shades of Grey trilogy, (which we will discuss another day), when around one o'clock the rain started pelting on the skylights and the wind was revving up. I looked at my husband and said, "Are you sure this is a good idea?" He called our daughter and we cancelled. I snuggled deeper in my chair with a hot cup of coffee, savoring not having to go out in this weather.

Two o'clock my husband gets a text from her. "I'm not doing anything if you guys just wanna come up and meet for dinner." I take one look at him and I'm up off my chair, in the shower and out of the house in forty minutes.

Why did we do this? Because we both know the day was about a lot more than baseball.

And so, as another day goes by, I sit in bridge traffic thinking how lucky we are that our adult children still value spending time with us; when they call, we go, because that's what parents do, and....I have written.