Another Day Goes By

Such A Peaceful Night

The campfire is about to be lit. The trees are still. The air is crisp and cool, heavy with the smell of the ocean. The sunset is quietly brilliant. Boston daughter and friends have left. NY daughter remains one more night to hang with Mom and Dad. They trickle out at the end of the weekend, just like they trickle in at the beginning of it.

It was a weekend of laughter, dancing to country tunes until 1am and connecting with our kids in a way only a weekend here at the cape can provide. The first campfires of the season have begun. The beach bags and flip flops have been resurrected. New sunscreen has been bought. We were lucky to get two beautiful beach days when we were only promised one by the weatherman. We'll take it.

Tomorrow everyone will leave and the first summer holiday will be behind us. The gang will return for the fourth and we'll do it all again. The ebb and flow of life. The coming together and going away over and over again. We come together to share where we've been, the we part for a time to go back out there and do more navigating.

God purposely keeps our lives flowing. I used to have a hard time with holidays ending and everyone leaving. Now I see it as my turn to go out and do my own navigating. Instead of feeling sad and empty when they pull out of the driveway tomorrow, I'll look at it with the anticipation of what God has planned for me this week. Who will I meet? What ideas will I have? What surprises will come my way that will change a course I had planned? What new places will I find myself in?

And so, as the season of summer begins, the possibilities are as endless as they are unknown, and...I have written.

Contemplating...

Conversation this morning:

Me: I'm contemplating having some of that chicken and vegetables we had last night.
Daughter: Do you believe her? She contemplates what she's contemplating to do!

I love my kids. I love their takes on my personality and who I am. Listening to my kids talk about me is better than looking in a mirror. They are so honest - as children are - even adult children. Besides my husband, they are the ones I can depend on to keep me honest. They will never lie to me to make me feel good. It's wonderful to have people in your life that you can always depend on to tell you the truth about yourself. They'll tell if you are being a Rockstar or an asshole. They will be honest. They'll have no hidden agenda or try to spare your feelings. Why do they do this? Because they love you and really want the best for you. This is unconditional love. And, in turn, I love them that way too. I will always tell them the truth. I will never spare their feelings.

Today my friend posted something on Facebook for Memorial Day. It said there's only two words for this day:

"Thank you."

Tonight, here in front of my backyard campfire, with my children, their friends, and my husband and I realize those two words make my time with these people possible. I have the freedom to have a lovely home and spend this holiday with those I love because there are others, who don't even know me, that put their lives on the line everyday so I can experience this evening. My friend is SO right. There are ONLY two words for this day:

"THANK YOU!"

And so, as another day goes by, freedom to love and live as we please, with whomever we want to love and live with is precious, and...I have written.

Vacation Day - LOL!

Boston daughter and friend arrived around nine last night. We sat up talking and working on a Bota Box of wine. Some time around 2am my daughter swung her arm, her wine glass broke, and we called it a night. I said goodnight to them and went to bed because I told them I was going to yoga in the morning. Though they were impressed, they thought I wouldn't ever do it. Let's just say by the time I was through my second pose, they were on their second cup of coffee.

Today my husband and daughter's other friend arrived. The girls went to the store and bought enough food to tide us over until next weekend. I came home from yoga and had my normal protein shake while watching the news. They came home and sat down with subs, chips, and Bloody Mary's. This afternoon they camped out in the back yard with their homemade sangria. Around two o'clock, my snack time, I found myself with a glass of sangria and a bowl of chips. The conversation went like this:

Me: You girls are a bad influence on me. I usually have a cup of coffee and a handful of almonds around two o'clock. Today I'm sitting here with sangria and chips.
Ashley's friend: You're on vacation.
Me: I'm retired.
Ashley: You can give yourself a day off from retirement.

LOL! Next they made guacamole and tortilla chips......best pour me another glass of sangria, too!

Later tonight daughter number two arrives. I can't imagine how this night will go. And tomorrow is supposed to be a beach day.....

And so, as another day goes by, this weekend remember those you lost, enjoy those you're with, and give yourself a "day off" - even if you are retired ...and I have written.

Busy Day

The gang arrives for the holiday weekend tonight. This morning finds their room still filled with all the stuff I couldn't find a place for when redoing an upstairs room. The dining room is littered with the mess from redoing the downstairs bedroom. The bathrooms need attention and then there's the floors. I could feel the anxiety building, so about 8:30 am I decided I'd best get to it.

I was washing the kitchen counter and the back and forth motion of the cloth took me back to the years of other counters I washed this very same way. I started thinking, how many times have I done the same household tasks as I was embarking on today across 36 years and four houses? I remember those Saturday mornings in our first house back in NY washing almost the same kind of counter. I would be hard at work, moving briskly toward the hour when it all would be done and I could relax and appreciate the job well-done. Today it dawned on me: I'm still doing the same jobs and realized it's never going to be all done. I'll be doing the same thing a month from now for the next holiday. I'll be washing this same counter tomorrow morning and the next morning after that.

Instead of overwhelming me more, I was amazed to find comfort in these thoughts. I looked around the kitchen and saw all the other bigger projects that still needed to be done, such as move and clean behind the refrigerator and stove, as well as empty and clean all the cabinets. When I went to put the sheets in the washer I looked at the basement and saw it, too, needed another good cleaning and reorganization. I realized that's the stuff of life. There is no day when it's all going to be done. That day I waited for all these years never came. Each house comes with its own living and breathing needs, almost like a child does. The comforting moment in all this came with the realization that there is no reason to hurry. There is no deadline. The house will be neat and clean enough to house the gang for the weekend, but all that needs to be done will always be there. There is no list that I can cross the jobs off of and complete. The house, like the children who live there, grow older, but never "grow done".

All of a sudden the pressure of having to be "done and ready" by tonight dissipated. I turned up the music and danced through the morning with the vacuum cleaner. Seeing my day as part of a linear ride rather than a vertical climb, greatly relieved the stress of the moment.

And so, once again, change your thoughts, change your mind, change your life rings true, sometimes it takes the mundane and simple tasks to teach us, and....I have written.

It's Not Drama! Who Knew?

Yesterday was one of those days where bad news of death, misfortune, and broken relationships hit me from all sides, along with those "I'm not talking to you!" "Fine!" conversations. A day that would be normally deemed high drama. And now, just flashing at the top of my screen, Donna Summer just died. (RIP Donna) Drama at every turn this week.

Today in the pre-class yoga mat chat, my friend came in and announced she can't put 50 Shades of Gray down since I got her reading it. I said how I hated when people don't read the book and give their opinion on it based on what they heard in the media. I was reiterating how WBZ Boston news touted it as "Is this what women REALLY want?", totally missing the point of the author's story. Then my friend said, "What? It's a book about healing!"

Wow. That was it. That was what I've been trying to say all along. Her simple comment suddenly brought clarity to a multitude of muddled thoughts. It's not an erotic sex manual. It's not a commentary about women's secret sexual needs and wants. It's the story of a horribly abused child trapped in a grown man's body, that meets probably the only woman in the world that understands that and sticks by him to encourage that inner child to grow up, allowing the boy to meet the man, merge, and heal into a wholesome person. Does that sound like a sex manual? Honestly.

But it does sound like a lot of drama. Just like all the things happening in our own lives. Thanks to my friend's insightful statement about the book, I now realize all the drama in my life is really healing. The "dramas" that last a long, long time are really just healing processes in disguise. In yoga today the teacher was talking about calming down and taking the hot room slow and gentle. She said, "If you're one of those that just always wants to hurry up, finish the race, get your medal and go home so you can feel good now, you need to slow down and surrender to the process. 90 minutes is 90 minutes and your not going anywhere."

I suddenly realized, "Holy crap! That's me!" I'm always in a hurry to get it done and feel the good feelings the endorphins of accomplishment bring upon me. Unfortunately, healing doesn't work that way. Healing is more like "90 minutes is 90 minutes and your not going anywhere". At first I couldn't believe it was taking months. Then when it stretched to a year, I was dumbfounded. THEN it stretched to the SECOND year. I just looked at God and said, "You gotta be kidding me right? You're asking me to do this for ANOTHER year?" I feel like Katniss Everdeen in Hunger Games. BACK into the arena? AGAIN? (So now when the days get tough, I just look up at God and say, "I am Katniss Everdeen."

Funny, though. At first I said, "I am Katniss Everdeen" with a resigned "oh crap, if you say so, Lord". These days I'm saying it with power and strength - the same kind of courage, power, and strength Katniss did it with.

Life "in the arena" is surreal and somewhat removed from the rest of the world, and filled with high drama. But that is the story of healing. When you are called to spend your time in the arena, hang on. You're in for an incredible ride. There will be fear, tears, and tremendous pain and just as Katniss in the arena, and me in the hot room, you have to surrender to the ride. Let God drive. Go where He leads. Make NO decision without prayer first because your mind is in no shape to be trusted. In the end, when the drama is over, the healing process complete, you will come out of the arena a totally different, transformed person.

Books, people we see everyday, close friends both near and far, music, yoga, TV shows, movies, etc. are all the tools God provides while we're in the arena. He even surprises us with little packages floating down on tiny silver parachutes holding just what we need, when we need it. It may be the hug or kind word of a friend. It may be an unexpected song in a tv show. Don't worry. Just as Katniss had a sponsor to look out for her, we have the ultimate sponsor to look out for us when it's our time to enter the arena.

And so, as another day goes by, if you haven't read Hunger Games, or 50 Shades yet, I suggest you get to it - these books are SO much more than they appear to be - healing disguised as drama - incredible strength and courage exemplified in both characters, kudos to the authors - this is what art is meant to be, and ....I have written.

Controlling Controlling

Today was women's bible study day and we were finishing our last session on control. Andy Stanley, in the video, made a statement about controlling people that was profound. He said:

"You can't control someone and love them at the same time."

It struck me that must be why God gave us free will. God loves us and wants us to live a life finding happiness in helping others, but He's not going to force us to do anything against our will. God is a teaching God, not a controlling God. He uses both the positive and negative times in our lives to lead and teach us, not to control us.

We are told in the Bible to be like Jesus. Remember the bracelets WWJD? In turn, we must treat others the way God treats us. In certain situations, such as with our children, we control the environment that they're in until they're eighteen. We give them a safe place to mess up and try out life. When they are eighteen we send them off to their chosen direction, cross our fingers, make the sign of the cross, kiss them on the forehead and having given them everything you had, you just hope they take it with them. In any kind of relationship you can't make another person do what you want them to do, just so you feel better. The best you can do is lead and teach by the way you live your life, just as God does with us through the example of Jesus.

Sometimes you are worried about someone you love. You know what's wrong. You know what they need. You see things they cannot see. You see the direction they're headed in. You know what they should do, etc. You do what you can, but in the end, their direction is their choice. Sometimes the best thing you can do for another person in trouble is to just step back and get out of God's way. Once again:

"When you've done all you can do, just stand."

You can't control someone and love them at the same time. God doesn't do it with us. We should follow His example with those we care about. Many times we are being taught right along with them. We are learning our own lessons about letting go, trusting, surrendering, and being still. You can only stay on the hamster wheel so long before you have to get off, and...
just stop.

And so, as another day goes by, this morning one of the women reminded me of my old stand by: "Be still, and know that I am God", and....I have written.

Just Stand

Last night I was watching Smash, a new show that I've really enjoyed this season. It was nice to see a show not about crime and punishment or housewives. It was nice to see a theater setting instead of a hospital. All in all, it kept my interest to the point that I DVR'd it so as not to miss an episode. That's highly unusual for me, as I DVR very few shows, and that is the barometer I use to rate my level of enjoyment of yet another network creation.

Smash took a turn last night, one that, somehow I never expected. The one character invited the theater cast to his church for a Sunday service, in which both he and Katherine McPhee (whom I'm glad to see finally being able to showcase her talent), performed. It was the song they performed that got my attention. The song was called "Just Stand". The line that reverberated in my brain for the last 24 hours is:

"When you've done all you possibly can, then just stand."

What a line of hope. Just stand.

When you've said all there is to say, done all there is to do, written all the words there are to write, analyzed all there is to analyze, walked all the roads there are to walk, driven all the miles there were to drive, asked all the questions that could be asked, prayed all the prayers there were to pray, cried all the tears there were to cry...you might think, I'm now at the end of my rope. There is no more to do. You've exhausted all the possibilities on this earth, physically, within your reach, and are standing at the edge of helplessness and despair. This song provides the answer. The one thing you didn't try.

Just stand.

Two words. So simple. Just stand with no expectations or thoughts. Just stand and trust the process. Give your God full, unencumbered reign. Don't expect Him to "do this or maybe that". Don't do, don't think, don't say, don't ask, or don't even pray anything.

Just stand.

And so, as another day goes by, for the second time in two days a few simple words changed the way I do business in this life, and ...I have written.

Photo: Now I know why I had my husband take this photo on Sunday. Taken at the Adirondack Museum, Blue Mountain Lake in upstate NY on our MG joyride. I remember this chair from numerous school field trips.

The Mindful Ikea Champ

Yesterday was shop Ikea day, so today was put it all together day. If my daughter and her roommates were impressed with my ability to read Ikea directions a month ago, they should've seen me today. I put together not only a bed, but a dresser, a nightstand and...are you ready for this one....an armoire. Yes, if there were a reality show for putting together Ikea furniture, following what my daughter calls a coloring book for directions, I would certainly win.

I love days like this. Put Neil Sedaka radio on Pandora, gather my tools, and dive in. There's something about huge physical tasks around the house that give me great joy. So far I've painted every room inside and my eaves all around the outside of my house last fall. Moving ten yards of bark mulch rates right up there with these. Guess what the best part is? The mindless wandering of my brain from things that are bothering me to things that are pleasing me, and back again. Tension is eased from the physical part of the task and problems turn into solutions in the mental part. If I'm working with my husband, our pleasant banter gets a lot discussed, problems solved and plans made. We've owned 4 homes and 3 apartments in our married career and some of my best times spent with him were doing these huge, and sometimes much huger projects around the house.

Now, at the end of a day like this, I sit pleasantly tired, showered, after a wonderful dinner, and the last of the Pino Grigio to pull the weekend to a slow end. Tomorrow my body is going to revel in the hot room. I can't wait for Monday morning.

Tonight I feel like this is the way life should be lived. Grateful for the things God gave me to take care of, like my home, and joyful in the extreme satisfaction I get from doing it. I was at lunch last week with a couple friends and they both pointed out that I truly loved working on my home. I never thought about it, but they were right. I remember my mother always saying how she loved fixing up her house, and every time one of us got a new home, she got such great joy from coming to see how we "fixed it up." I guess I get it from her. Thanks mom, for instilling in me the innate desire to work on my home. It is only lately that I've become aware of the joy and relaxation I really do get out of it. No wonder I'm always involved in my children's moves, too. Like mother, like daughter, and, yes, like my own daughters, too. The trait has been passed through the generations.

And so, as another day goes by, the garage is filled with Ikea boxes, the bedroom is beautiful, I'm tired, but truly mindful of the joy I experienced today, and....I have written.

And Off We Go...

Yes, TWO posts in ONE day! I do make myself proud! :)
Riding back home on the red line to Braintree my daughter texts us "thank you for coming. It was so much fun!" I answer her, then I get to thinking how we came together for a brief few hours, and now we are on our way back to our separate lives.

That's how it is with adult children. They are no longer at your breakfast table, but they are forever in your heart. It's wonderful to watch them go out and make their way in the world, so independent and successful. I'm lucky. Both of my girls are settled and happy in professional careers of their own making.

It's really nice how they make an effort to connect with us, and then text us thank you on our way home. They never fail to say "thank you". Tonight I'm just full of gratitude for my kids, my husband, and my home on the ocean.

Boston was magical tonight. Walking the softly lit streets outside of Fenway, in the rain, was serene and beautiful. Now, on the train heading home, arriving at the ocean with its own quiet sound of the waves splashing on the shore will be just as magical in a different way. I'll keep my window open just a crack so I can fall asleep to the sound of those waves.

And so, as another day has gone by, tonight I urge you to take note of the magic that surrounds you, wherever you are, and spend a minute or two in silent gratitude, and, again, I have written.

The Late-Great Rainout

Today we had tickets to the Yankees/Red Sox game in Boston. We were going to meet our daughter for dinner and the game. The weather didn't look promising - a certain rainout. At noon we talked to her and discussed meeting places.

I was ensconced in my recliner engrossed in the second book of The Shades of Grey trilogy, (which we will discuss another day), when around one o'clock the rain started pelting on the skylights and the wind was revving up. I looked at my husband and said, "Are you sure this is a good idea?" He called our daughter and we cancelled. I snuggled deeper in my chair with a hot cup of coffee, savoring not having to go out in this weather.

Two o'clock my husband gets a text from her. "I'm not doing anything if you guys just wanna come up and meet for dinner." I take one look at him and I'm up off my chair, in the shower and out of the house in forty minutes.

Why did we do this? Because we both know the day was about a lot more than baseball.

And so, as another day goes by, I sit in bridge traffic thinking how lucky we are that our adult children still value spending time with us; when they call, we go, because that's what parents do, and....I have written.