Another Day Goes By

Holy Holy Holy....

...Lord God almighty.....
How many of you Catholics out there remember that little song from mass on Sundays? It still rings in my head after all these years. While still feeling allegiance to the catholic faith, I have bounced from holy building to holy building trying to find a peaceful home now for many years. The only thing I found was more of that which I tried to get away from - empty services based on ritual, and drama among who's in charge and who is more important and who should head the committees and who should be looked up to, and most importantly, who should not be messed with. (Like, that's their pew and you don't dare.....)

In my journey among the holy buildings I came to one huge conclusion about God:

God does not want religion, He wants a relationship.

For me, that was huge. Being brought up under the guise of a weekly church ritual from maybe three years old, this is a very hard concept to swallow. What? No building? No kneeling and standing? No Holy water? No statutes? No committees? Well then, just where DO I find God?

That's when the hand brushes my right shoulder, and a voice (not audible) but from somewhere inside me says, "Right here."

Just two words. Inaudible and quiet, but packing a punch. In spending some good bible time, I have learned that that is how God speaks. He's a God of few words, but those few words speak volumes.

Now lest you think I sit on an island all by myself and ponder God's word, I'm happy to say I have found what they call "fellowship" by attending a weekly bible study for women of all faiths, from all over the cape, getting together to watch a video and study in a workbook and discuss this life here on earth and how to live it with God. No preaching. No ritual. No cliques. Just honest women trying to find our way through all that life throws at us from sickness and tragedy to just managing to get the kids on the school bus every morning. When we gather each week, let me tell you there is a sprit in that room that feels and sounds very much like that voice that speaks from within me. We learn. We pray. We laugh. We eat. (Some of these gals can really bake a mean coffee cake.) And we love. And, isn't that what we (Catholics, anyway) have been told since we were knee high - that "God is love"?

This new year I have decided to redesign my time with my maker. As an author, I have written morning pages consistently for the better part of two years now. Well over 700 pages. My morning pages were always to God. Everyday, upon awakening, He got the full brunt of whatever my mind woke up with. All of it. The good. The great. The bad. The very worst. And the ugly of the ugliest thoughts, right along with the beauty of the most beautiful thoughts. After that, I'd read from about four daily meditation books.

For the last two weeks I gave up my morning pages just to see if I needed them anymore. I felt like a part of each day was missing. I realized it was where my relationship to God was kept, honed, built, and worked on everyday. This morning I decided to bring it back, and this is what appeared: (I'm breaking a major writing rule here - morning pages are never to be shared or to ever even be read again, even by me) but I love you dearly, and for you I will be a rebel - God kinda likes that about me, but that's a topic for another blog.) So, here it is, the first morning page of 2013:

"Ok lord I'm back to morning pages. I find that if I give them up, I start stuffing. By stuffing I mean that my mind is so full of messages that it makes me crazy - like I'm going to burst. My messages need a place to go. Here is where they go. For me these morning pages are my own personal cross and this is where I lay down my burdens before the day begins. It feels good to be back. Now, let's get down to business. Today my burden involves..."

And that's where I must cut off the sharing because I'm not here to burden you. That's God's department. He took my stuff into consideration and I could proceed on with my day with a little lighter heart. He is here. He is real. He doesn't live in a building or require me to perform rituals. He loves. My prayer ladies (an endearing name my daughter calls my bible study group) love. I love. Morning pages will stay.

I found reading too many meditation books kept me from really focusing on one thing, so this year I will only use one. I'm going to read from Melody Beattie's More of the Language of Letting Go. I did this one in 2010 and I think the meaning will be very different at this point in my journey. That, along with a prayer time, should do it for 2012. Sometimes less really is more.

And so, as another day goes by, the spiritual part of my resolution making is done,  now that I have the relationship part down, maybe God will put a building in my future, and....I have written.

Hallowed

Happy New Year to all my readers. In these first minutes of 2013, let us contemplate peace, love, and joy. Where is that better to be found than in your God? I have a friend I met in yoga class that is the vocalist for the Christian band Skywatch - a wonderful local band here on Cape Cod. Her voice is like an angel and she recorded this version of the Lord's Prayer to ring in the new year.

On this Happy New Year night I can't think of a more fitting way to welcome what lies ahead in this brand new year. So, from her to me, and from me to you, please click on the link below and enjoy and absorb the meaning of "Hallowed" by my dear friend, Jo-Anne Petty and her band Skywatch.

And so, as the first day of the new year begins to go by, may your God bless you and keep you in this new year, and...I have written.

Hallowed

Quakes

It all started last night at 7:35 when a news bulletin popped up on the screen of my phone announcing the earthquake here in New England. The quake was in Maine, so down here on Cape Cod I didn't even feel the tremor, but it left me just a bit wary anyway.

Then, this morning in my women's bible study, Acts 16:25,26 was part of the lesson:

"Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening. Suddenly there was a massive earthquake and the prison was shaken to its foundations. All the doors flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off."

Now, if the instructors were planning this study on a weekly basis themselves, we could see why they might choose this verse today, but our instructors don't choose the content of the lessons. It's a video series planned months ago. The earthquake verse just happened to be in today's lesson. In the video, after reading the verse, Beth Moore said something that's been on my mind all day:

"Sometimes God will allow an earthquake in our life so some chains will come loose."

Sometimes we get so comfortable with our view from where we sit and look at life, we think we're impervious to difficult things. Earthquakes shatter walls and crack things open. Things fall away and change the lay of the land. We have no choice but to accept what is and rebuild.

I'm really glad the other part of the class gave us Psalm 122 to memorize over the next few weeks. I hung it in my kitchen. This is how much I know:

"1 I raise my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from? 2 My help comes from The Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not allow your feet to slip, your protector will not slumber."

And so, as another day goes by, it's a good thing I made it to verse three before the quake hit, and ...I have written.

PS- If an earthquake hits your life, download this. You'll recognize some words near the end of the song.....

The Psalmist

This week I have been blessed more than usual in the spiritual realm. Maybe it has something to do with the new bible study, or just maybe I'm ready to take some more steps toward spiritual maturity, if there is such a thing.

I think there is such a thing. When I was hurt big - I don't mean like the usual arguments and disagreements with children and spouse, where you get a little over zealous, calm down, talk, agree or compromise, and it's over. I mean the kind of huge huge hurt that just comes in "whoosh!" and cuts the legs right out from under you. The kind that will not be over by bedtime, or next week, or Christmas or years. I'm not good with these huge hurts. I crumble. Hide. Suffocate. Throw a monster of a tantrum. And, sometimes, do it all at once.

I run to God, begging, pleading, clawing, at Him to end it and make it all fine again. I act like a child throwing a fit in the grocery store - both out loud to a confident and to God. This, I have come to learn, is spiritual immaturity. After not getting what I want, when I wanted it, and just how I wanted it, I finally calmed myself, learned stillness and was ready to listen to God's way. Those were my first steps toward spiritual maturity. That took six months.

As I listened to God and grew, I dropped those ways even in other times of trouble and disagreements within my family. I practiced stillness and listening instead of all-out tantrums. Now, two years later, I want to learn to walk the rest of my journey maturely - with a sense of wisdom instead of frenetic fear.

This week I prayed about that and was given two things; a song and an exercise. The song was one I mentioned yesterday on my friend's CD - Skywatch - Your Delight. I want to be a delight to God as I walk the rest of my journey, instead of a sniveling pain in the ass, always begging for something. The next thing was an exercise in our bible study homework. We had to read, work, and pray Psalm 120. Then, at the end, we had to write our own Psalm 120. That was an experience, especially as a writer, to become like David and pick up the pen and write my peril to God in Psalm-like form. Here is what came out:

"Lord you have given me this road to walk.
I am your chosen one for this task.
It's the hardest thing you've ever given me to do.

When the way is dark, I won't give up.
I feel your hand on my right shoulder.
I hear your words in my heart.

I trust in you, Lord.
One day it will all be over and settled.
One day.
I want it today. I want it fixed.
But my ways are not your ways and time on this earth is not your time.

So take me, Lord, and guide me on this journey.
All I want to be, in the end, is your delight."

That was my stab at spiritual maturity. Take what I'm given to do and do it without kicking and screaming and begging. Trust God in every way on the journey without putting time limits on it or giving Him my suggestions.

If you have a "thing" in your life right now that just won't leave you alone, I hope my feeble attempt at being a psalmist can help you. I hope next week holds some wacky blessings for you, too.

And so, as another day goes by, a psalmist is one thing I'd never thought I'd attempt being, but in this life, on our journeys, God can call us to be any damn thing He wants, and....I have written.

Go Someplace You've Never Been

What a day. How many times have we all said that? At least once a week. Pull up a chair and listen to what I hit at every turn today.

It was the first day of our new women's bible study. We have been on break for a full month. I really missed it. I couldn't wait to get there and see all my "prayer ladies", as my daughter calls them. It was like the first day of school. We were all hugging and chattering and catching up. Soon it was time to get our brand new books (see, JUST like school) and settle down for the leaders to introduce the new study. We are doing a Beth Moore study this year. She is a phenomenal women's speaker. The title of the study is:
"Stepping UP...a journey through the Psalms of Ascent"

Now, none of us ordinary women from all different faiths are bible scholars, so we didn't even know what "Psalms of Ascent" were. The video starts and the first thing Moore invites us to do is open our minds and join her on a journey to go someplace we've never been before. I was hooked right away because, to me, there is nothing more exciting than new territory. It was a great "first day" back.

When I returned home, I settled down to do day 9 of my 100 Day Challenge. The title of it was: Raise The Bar.

"Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow, and you will never reach your full potential. Every time the bar is raised, a new technique has to be developed."

Certainly sounds like "going to a place I've never been before" to me. On my way to yoga tonight, I decided these were principles I needed to drag into the hot room. We are encouraged to "go someplace we've never been before" in each pose, since the poses are the same 26 everyday. Tonight I'm going to embrace raising the bar in at least 2 poses, instead of just staying in my comfort zone and trying to "just get through" the class.

Pushing further, crossing the line, and stepping UP are the order of my future days. I wonder where I'll land? I wonder what new, uncharted territory I will travel? I wonder how much and in what ways I will change?

This is a tall order, this venturing out of my comfort zone. I think the best way to approach it is by doing a little at a time - like tonight in yoga - just two poses. Tomorrow, maybe three. The next day, something unfamiliar in my business. The day after that, take a step down a new writing path......and on I'll go. Will you join me?

Pick an area of your life that is challenging right now. Find a new technique or strategy to implement to get the job done. Let's go. Let's make fall 2012 a giant adventure.

And so, as another day goes by, remember : "Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone, and...I have written.

Simple

Today started out with my mind in a mix of quandary. I went about my tasks of getting last minute things done before the gang arrives Tuesday for the holiday week. As I worked, I pondered, thought, schemed, and, yes, worried, about future outcomes of present situations. I'm sure you have had days like this where sometimes the tedious tasks of cleaning leaves the mind free to work on more important matters.

I accomplished more than I thought I was going to and that made it a basically a good day. Usually throughout that working meditation I make some headway into whatever my concerns happen to be that day. Before I knew it, it was dinner time. After a shower and a great dinner, things were still playing around my mind. They wouldn't solve themselves and they wouldn't leave, either. After dinner I sat down to tackle some email. There it was. The answer to not finding my answers today.

I follow a writer friend's blog. This friend, Merrilynn Grodecki, completely takes apart the Bible and applies it to everyday life situations. She's a very smart woman and an excellent writer. She was also the headmaster of a local Christian school for many years and served as an example to many children. Today her writing made me stop in my tracks and sit up and take notice.

It was so simple. By giving in to fretting and worrying, I was discrediting God. I was instead worshiping my difficulties instead of going to God, placing my concerns in His hands, turning on some music and going on with my chores unencumbered by worrisome thoughts. I made my worries my "God". I made them bigger than God.

I never quite thought about it like that before. When we fret and worry, we doubt God's truthfulness and promises. Pretty simple.

And so, as another day goes by, thank you Merri for shedding a new light on the old pastime of worrying, and ...I have written.
To read Merri's post, go to:

God's Beloved Daughters

All The Answers

I always have all the answers. Name a problem and I'll have the fix. And if I don't, I'll die trying to find it. Once in awhile, on Twitter, the Oprah flipboard will have something that catches my eye. Today it was a post by Martha Beck on "Overhelpers Anonymous". Overhelper is the word that flagged me. That's me. That's a good word for always having the right answer - many times you end up an Overhelper.

There really are times when one must use deference, and, even though you know in the depths of your heart, you have the answer, the very thing that will fix everything, make it all better, make everyone happy again, you can't offer it. There are reasons you have to hold back, and as hard as it is, you have to keep your mouth shut. This isn't easy. Your need to help is about to burst out of you. Me? I either have to write about it or talk to someone about it to reassure myself that keeping quiet is what I must do. Why? That's the catch 22 - because it's the best way to help.

Sometimes people you love must be allowed to discover things on their own, so they can "own" them. Sometimes a person is not in the right frame of mind, or in a good place, and not ready to hear your wonderful, cure all, wisdom. To offer it at the wrong time would be like trying to tell a person in a coma why they are in the hospital. When the time is wrong, and we have the info but know we cannot share it, Julia Cameron offered this bit of wisdom in today's reading in the Artist's Way Everyday:

"As we ask, believe, and are open to receive, we are gently led." ~ Julia Cameron

From this I get sit quietly. Let God gently lead and guide. Chances are the project has been His all along anyway. Let Him finish His work. Sometimes He gives us the answers first to allow us to breath in the ah-ha moment and adjust to it ourselves, before we can effectively share it. Be gently led.

And so, as another day goes by, I share the link to the Overhelpers Anonymous post below because it is tremendously insightful, and ...I have written.

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Beck-Overhelpers-Anonymous

Thank God For Bread

Everyday at the end of yoga class, I have a lot of energy and fight to bring myself to lay there after the class is over for the suggested 3-5 minutes. I do know jumping right up and running out into the cold lobby is not a good idea, so I had to devise a way to keep myself still for a few minutes. I decided I'd close my eyes and recite the Lord's Prayer. Now, I can recite that in less than ten seconds, so clearly I needed some rules to this new ritual. In addition to reciting it slowly and with meaning, I decided I had to visualize each sentence in my mind. That did the trick. It keeps me in place on that mat for just enough time to loose that urge to jump up and run, allowing me to relax for a few minutes.

The best picture I enjoy during the prayer is the part that says "give us this day our daily bread". Since I was five years old I've always had the same picture of a perfect slice of white bread (a huge one) sliding out from an opening in the sky. Of course, at five, the only meaning I could derive from that picture was that God would give me food everyday so I wouldn't starve to death.

Today that "food" idea is extremely different. In the month or so that I have been using the prayer, I began to see a little pattern where somehow, someway, each day God would drop "food" along my path, usually in the form of a concept or idea that helped me with whatever life situation I was currently wrestling with.

Just looking back over this past week, I began to picture slices of bread with messages written on them. Then I realized I would like to save the "bread slices" so I can use them as affirmations in weak moments. In any learning, growing, self-actualization journey we get excited when we stumble on a helpful concept, it boosts us up for a few days, then we lose it just in time for that weak moment when we find ourselves falling and revisiting our problem.

My remedy is a daily bread journal. Everyone knows I write everything on my phone, but for this I'm going to use actual paper because I want to draw the slices of bread and write on them. Some of the slices for this past week were:
-letting go doesn't mean giving up
-in spite of your fear, do what you have to do
-after you've done all you can, just stand

They came from quotes, cards, and songs dropped in front of me just when I needed them. But now it's Friday and as I reflect on my week, it would be nice to be able to quickly flip through a book and be reminded of what God had taught me this week. Also, drawing the bread, coloring the brown crust, getting the angle right, and writing on it will reinforce the words deeper because I'll have to concentrate on them a lot longer than if I just wrote them on my phone.

Using the Lord's Prayer to keep me on that mat everyday just may result in another very useful book.

And so, as another day goes by, I believe in Jesus, Bikram, and a good bottle of wine - not a bad way to roll, and.. I have written.

Just Stand

Last night I was watching Smash, a new show that I've really enjoyed this season. It was nice to see a show not about crime and punishment or housewives. It was nice to see a theater setting instead of a hospital. All in all, it kept my interest to the point that I DVR'd it so as not to miss an episode. That's highly unusual for me, as I DVR very few shows, and that is the barometer I use to rate my level of enjoyment of yet another network creation.

Smash took a turn last night, one that, somehow I never expected. The one character invited the theater cast to his church for a Sunday service, in which both he and Katherine McPhee (whom I'm glad to see finally being able to showcase her talent), performed. It was the song they performed that got my attention. The song was called "Just Stand". The line that reverberated in my brain for the last 24 hours is:

"When you've done all you possibly can, then just stand."

What a line of hope. Just stand.

When you've said all there is to say, done all there is to do, written all the words there are to write, analyzed all there is to analyze, walked all the roads there are to walk, driven all the miles there were to drive, asked all the questions that could be asked, prayed all the prayers there were to pray, cried all the tears there were to cry...you might think, I'm now at the end of my rope. There is no more to do. You've exhausted all the possibilities on this earth, physically, within your reach, and are standing at the edge of helplessness and despair. This song provides the answer. The one thing you didn't try.

Just stand.

Two words. So simple. Just stand with no expectations or thoughts. Just stand and trust the process. Give your God full, unencumbered reign. Don't expect Him to "do this or maybe that". Don't do, don't think, don't say, don't ask, or don't even pray anything.

Just stand.

And so, as another day goes by, for the second time in two days a few simple words changed the way I do business in this life, and ...I have written.

Photo: Now I know why I had my husband take this photo on Sunday. Taken at the Adirondack Museum, Blue Mountain Lake in upstate NY on our MG joyride. I remember this chair from numerous school field trips.

Even On Easter

Even on Easter, when God has his own big thing to celebrate today, he continues to care enough about my meager life and place yet another piece of his current theme for my days in my path. So far he's spoken to me on the topic of not giving up through books, music, meditation, and my own yoga practice over the past few weeks. Today I learn that "taking a knee" does not mean weakness or a sign of giving up.

I subscribe to a great blog called My Bikram Yoga life. This morning I got the email announcing a new post. The post actually dealt with "doing a double" (taking two classes in one day). The post was good, but it's words were not what spoke to me. Way down on the bottom there was a link to another yoga blog and the post title was "Sitting Down In Bikram Yoga: What it says about you."

My first thought was "It says I give up easily. It means I'm not tough enough." Then, of course, I read the post. In it, the very insightful author taught me about being brave, respectful, connected, and humble - all hidden in "taking a knee". You don't have to be a yoga enthusiast to embrace these concepts. I have included the link below so you, too, can see that "sitting down" for a bit is not in any way an indication of weakness or giving up - both in and out of the studio.

And so, as another Easter Sunday goes by, I find it fitting to "be brought to my knees" on this day, and ....I have written.
http://justherejustnow.wordpress.com/